Attending a festival might just be the greatest thing there is. If you can actually enjoy the music, that is. Way too often, some punk or self-obsessed girl appears out of nowhere and ruins the moment, up to the point where you might even regret buying a ticket at all. Here are ten kinds of festival people you DON’T want to come across…
01. The “I-Am-The-Biggest-Festival-Fan-Ever” Fanatics
Alright, we get it. You are the biggest festival fan alive. You buy every single piece of merchandise on the spot and you flood your social media pages with a grand selection of “Look-At-Me-I’m-At-This-Festival” pictures.
All of that, we could let pass just this once. Or we could at least ignore it. But wearing a shitload of festival-branded wristbands from the past decade is not just a minor nuisance. It’s absolutely hideous and also kind of gross. Can you imagine the sheer amount of bacteria that have been calling it “home” for the past ten years?
02. The Selfie Addicts
We cannot help but wonder why these people are at a festival in the first place. Weren’t they supposed to have 24-hour dates with their mirror every day for the rest of their lives?
Are you allowed to take a picture of yourself every once in a while? Of course, please do!
Are you allowed to disturb the people actually there to enjoy the music because your ridiculous poses take up require fifteen square meters to be executed properly? Absolutely not!
This also counts for people filming every second of a performance. Try taking in the music for once; don’t ruin the moment for others near you. Not everyone wants to experience the entire show through a 5-inch screen.
03. The Eternal Youths
Is being old and attending festivals a bad thing? Not at all! We truly encourage you to go out and enjoy the music you love firsthand, instead of withering away in a nursing home where the only thing close to music is the fast-paced beat of your heart rate monitor. But for the love of god, don’t dress as if you’ve just hit puberty. It makes us want to stab our eyes out… with a pitchfork.
04. The Fashionistas
Naturally, you want to look at least a bit decent when you’re up and about. But turning a festival into your personal catwalk is not much better than not dressing up at all. Nobody asked to get hit in the head by your ridiculous accessories or to trip over your inexplicably wide dress. Frankly, we don’t think anybody cares how you look. So don’t act like we do.
05. The Crooked Campers
Contrary to what some people believe, there is in fact LIMITED space at a festival. Although you probably THINK you’re entitled to the most spacious plot available to set up your tent on, others might not appreciate you taking up enough space to house a small village on. Bring a reasonably sized tent and stick to the pre-set boundaries. You don’t need a tent large enough to throw your own multi-day festival in. You’re already at one…
06. The Wasted Wanderers
Maybe your idea of having a good time means to quench your insatiable thirst with an entire bottle of whiskey every ten minutes, but you might be forgetting a few things… You’ll be piss drunk before the festival is well underway, you’ll be making a complete fool of yourself and you WILL harass people, despite not being able to speak properly (or coherently). Either learn to control yourself or stay at home. We’ve got at least nine other kinds of people taking away the fun already.
07. The Bulldozers
You’ve been waiting patiently for hours on end, skipped several bathroom breaks, and gently moved up a few spots per hour to reach the front of the stage. You’re almost there, just in time to see your favorite artist kill it on stage. But then, disaster strikes…
All of the sudden, some ecstatic fan oblivious of his surroundings slams you aside and charges head-on into the rest of the crowd. and everyone in his way to reach the front of the stage. These queue-jumpers are possibly the worst people you could encounter at a festivals. And frankly, there’s nothing you can do about it either. But if you are one of those people and you are by any chance reading this… F*ck You…
08. Backpack Jack.
Meet Jack. Jack thinks he needs to prepared for nuclear winter, beer tsunamis, and alien invasions. Because of this, Jack carries a backpack the size of an elephant. Jack also doesn’t mind his surroundings when he turns or bends over to pick something up. Jack is the sole reason why festivals set up multiple first aid stations. Don’t be a burden. Don’t be like Backpack Jack…
09. The Cool Guys
Ah, the “cool” guys. The ones that wear sunglasses at night, take off their shirts to establish dominance, and throw beer to express their affection. You can’t live with ’em, but you c… Scrap the latter, we’d love for them to disappear entirely off the face of the earth. Unfortunately, the chance of that happening is as non-existent as their ability to think straight.
10. The Crowd Surfers
We are just going to say this once. Nobody wants you to come crash down on them like a meteorite. You’re not entitled to that any more than you’re allowed to block another one’s view. Stop weighing us down. Literally.